I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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