we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
