Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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