I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
