"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
