i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
