I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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