WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
The adults are the big ones right?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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