Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
