Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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