I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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