i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
