I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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