I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Sober January is a disaster.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
