he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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