I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
