coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
