she looked like the bat from fern gully.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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