You're a womanizer and a bitch.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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