i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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