I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
