she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
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he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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