the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
