She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
