You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
