So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
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I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
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If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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