Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
A+ Viking dick
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
