Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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