I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
