I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
