It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
