I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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