Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
did i walk over a car last night?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Randomize
