Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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