He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
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So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
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I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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