We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Randomize
