i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
