Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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