I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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