i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
