I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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