Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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