don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
