She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
