Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
