I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Randomize
