i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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