No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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