I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
how drunk are you?
Several
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
