Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
