No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
