i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
