I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
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Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
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i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
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