Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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