1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
she looked like the before picture.
is wine microwaveable?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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