I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
