Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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