Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
