jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
