im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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