life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
The ass gains better be worth it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
