Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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