He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You need a sexual gate keeper
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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