I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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