I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
