I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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