So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
