Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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