shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
