she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
