It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
