He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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